Homeless But Fearless

As I sit on the bus 25 to Ilford, Essex my mind triggers back to the six months of my life that, deemed homeless by Redbridge council, I lived in a B&B where my daily routine involved going to the toilet trying to frantically avoid the smeared faeces on the walls and dodging the piss puddles on the floor. Mind you, it was great training for bladder control! Attempting to cook in the far from hygienic kitchen was as depressing as being surrounded by crackheads, drug dealers, alcoholics and prostitutes. Don’t even get me started about trying to bathe myself in the greasy, pubic hair ridden bathrooms! I can only laugh at it now that I have the power of hindsight. I mean, if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry, and boy did I have my fare share of tears.

I would quite defensively educate any ignorami out there that think that being homeless is “your fault!” No one chooses to be homeless. Some life situations force individuals into a path they would otherwise do anything to avoid. For instance, I desperately needed to get out of the psychological, mental and physical trauma my former guardian had inflicted on me for eight years. For instance

being called “Bastard child!” by her on numerous occasions for no reason was by far out of order. Everyone has their boiling point and that was mine.

I had nowhere and one else to go to (that I really trusted). My only option was to go to the council’s Homeless Prevention Unit with a small suitcase full of belongings I had managed to pack. What kept me going for those six months? Education. School had always been my escapism- especially after my adoptive mum died when I was 8. I’d find myself free amongst literature of all kinds. This was my world where no one could hurt me or control me. I excelled in school and despite being “homeless” from 17 years old, living on my own and surviving on peanuts, I still conjured up the determination to complete my A-Levels and achieved top grades.

One has to really go through hell and back in order to truly understand pain. Living off £5 for two weeks was more than a challenge but it taught me so much about materialism and tainted happiness. A philosopher once wrote: “If who I am is what I have, and I have nothing, then who am I?” So simple, yet so powerful and deep. When I was homeless, I had nothing, but it didn’t mean I was nothing. I knew who I was, where I came from and definitely where I wanted to go.

I’m at university now studying…wait for it…journalism and live in a lovely house – independent from government help. I’ve got a lot to say about a lot of issues and it’s personal experience that has really opened up my eyes to a lot of things. I pray for those still in the struggle…you’ll make it, trust me- just believe in the power you hold within you to make a change in your life for the better.

“Last stop!” the bus driver shouts. As I jump startled, I smile to myself. I’ve got a long way to go yet.

Jammin’ On The Journey Of Life

Desperately making my way back home on the bus from university the other day, I had the big misfortune of being stuck in a traffic jam around London’s bustling Liverpool Street.

Commuters who’ve experienced the joy of a cacophony of horns blowing, waving fists, and an endless sea of vehicles, you’d understand why I was far from amused.

Inside the bus pandemonium had broken loose: there were at least half a dozen people having a chin wag on their mobile phones to recipients that could be mistaken for being in another country. I mean, is there really any need to talk that loud when your mouth is right next to the phone, and I assume that the person on the other end has their ear right next to their phone?

Meanwhile, two female passengers felt it necessary to serenade us all with songs in Hindi, whilst a baby on the lower deck decided to express its disgust with the situation by screaming its head off. Filled with an emotion I can only describe as ill- feeling, I reached into my bag to get out my trusty iPod only to see on the screen ‘battery is low’. Damn! By this time, a sneaky little headache had begun and my left temple was pulsating like mad.

I looked at my watch to check out just how long I had been in hell for when I overheard two young guys behind me talking about serious life issues. One was upset that his girlfriend thought the solution to all their relationship problems was to get married, whilst the other was occupied with the thought that he might lose his job.

I found myself eavesdropping in on their conversation for the next twenty minutes, smiling at many of their comments, giggling softly to myself as well as reflecting on some of the difficult journeys I have overcome in my short life so far. By the time I knew it we were out of the traffic zone, my headache had miraculously disappeared, and I was twenty-five minutes away from home sweet home. It’s funny (funny interesting not funny haha) that when forced to be surrounded by people you would normally avoid that you come to realise we’re all very similar. We all have dreams, aspirations and anxieties. Life brings about so many worries as it is.

Stressing about a twenty-minute gridlock is one less worry we should have. After all, I’m grateful that I can even get onto a bus to travel around this buzzing cosmopolitan city. Next time I’m stuck in traffic – I hope not too soon – I’ll remember not to let silly minor things get to me. After all, life can be a traffic jam in itself. Tutting, sighing and kissing your teeth every ten seconds isn’t going to get you out of the jam. Only by staying calm can we escape the hustle and bustle and begin to enjoy the journey we call life.

Deism Versus ‘Revealed Religion’

“I don’t necessarily believe in religion”, I told a co- worker of mine recently only to be given a look of absolute shock. “But why not?” they replied as if I owed it to them to justify my philosophical view.
Well I quite simply regard myself as a deist. For those of you wondering what that is here is a short breakdown:

Deism is belief in God based on the application of our reason on the designs/laws found throughout Nature. Deism is therefore a natural religion and is not a “revealed” religion (Revealed religions are called so because they all make claim to having received a special revelation from God which they pretend, and many of their sincere followers actually believe, their various and conflicting holy books are based on.)

Deism.com definition:

Deism is the recognition of a universal creative force greater than that demonstrated by mankind, supported by personal observation of laws and designs in nature and the universe, perpetuated and validated by the innate ability of human reason coupled with the rejection of claims made by individuals and organized religions of having received special divine revelation.

Deism is therefore based on reason and nature.

Famous deists: Thomas Hardy (Writer and Poet); Thomas Paine (American revolutionary and writer); Aristotle (Ancient Greek philosopher); Albert Einstein (Theoretical Physicist); Stephen Hawking (Physicist)

I was brought up a Christian: baptised and confirmed into the Anglican faith yet never really found myself whole- heartedly dedicated to it. A close family friend recently tried to convince me to join a born again church, thinking that the reason for me claiming to be a deist was because the church I belonged to lacked solidarity and a sense of community. I politely rejected her suggestion.
I am a very spiritual person and believe deeply in the forces of attraction in determining life events and yes I agree with many messages behind religious teachings that guide us how to live our lives but become very cynical when faced with the specifics of religion.

While at sixth form I was told by a Muslim acquaintance that I wasn’t “human” if I didn’t follow a religion, particularly Islam, because this meant I “lack guidance” as I “don’t believe in Allah.” While they irately continued their passionate explanation as to why I was a “lost child” I calmly looked at them in the eye occasionally blinking and thinking to myself “Who the hell are you to tell me what my relationship with God should be like and what makes you think that you are a better human being than me just because you believe in a religion?!”

I look around me daily and see many people who call themselves Christians, Muslims, Jewish, Sikh etc sin and be outright hypocritical. They take the parts of religion that suit them and disregard the rest, yet call themselves devout followers.

If religion suits you then good luck to you but I’m sober minded enough to make my own sound decisions as to what or who I believe in, thanks. So save your breath and both our time and just accept that what may be right for you just isn’t so for someone else.